If your husband seems rather aloof, there could be something wrong. And here’s a simple remedy:
Be a better wife.
But don’t take it the wrong way because you’re probably already doing a great job as a wife. It’s just that, you could take matters to another level.
Don’t know how to kick things off, you say?
Well, in this article, let’s change that by going through discussions about how a wife should be and how you could be better at it. This way, you’ll know what’s up with your husband. Plus, you guys can enjoy meaningful lives together from here on out.
How to Be a Wife
“Behind every successful husband is a wife,” goes the famous line. And seeing how many rich and famous men are often photographed next to their wives, the statement seems to hold some truth.
And many men nod in approval. For one, there’s Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg.
The billionaire is proud to let everybody know that his wife, Priscilla Chan, is a rockstar. He says his wife is part of the reason why he made it big. And she’s the reason why despite his success, he remains to keep his feet on the ground.
She owns her role as a wife. With how she backs him up, it’s unmistakable.
And like her, some wives choose to give up most of their personal wants and needs for their husbands. This is usually the case in traditional settings. The second the woman enters a marriage, she’s willing to start walking in a different path.
These women just stay at home to support their husbands. And they don’t want it any other way.
Here are some of the things that a wife does:
- Organizes her husband’s needs – Her to-do list revolves around taking care of her husband. She ensures he’s well-fed, well-clothed, and more
- Manages the household – She makes sure the bills are paid timely, the house is clean, and more
- Provides moral support – She listens and gives motivation when it’s needed the most
On the flip side, some wives do want it another way. Especially if the women are living in a modern world, they don’t stay at home. Instead, they choose to pursue their own path, too.
Being a strong-willed wife with her own career to polish? That’s definitely far from the old-fashioned way where marriage is concerned.
And regardless of whether a wife considers herself a traditional or modern wife, one thing stays true: A wife’s role is pivotal in a family. She paves the way for her husband to experience a good quality of life. And when children are part of the picture, she takes her game up a notch.
Unfortunately, some wives aren’t on the same page. Even without meaning to, they fail to support their husbands. And worse, they end up standing in their way.
These are some of the ways these wives can sabotage their marriages:
- Emotional unavailability – These wives don’t express their love for their husbands. They’re also difficult to talk to and often give the men the silent treatment
- Discouragement – These wives don’t acknowledge or praise their husbands after an accomplishment
- Uninterest in their husbands’ interests – These wives don’t engage in things that make their husbands happy. Not only are they closed off on wanting to try new interests. But they also don’t leave room for their spouses to pursue their heart’s desires
Now, How to Be a Good Wife
Married people are 9.9% more satisfied with their lives. Compared to people who have not tied the knot before and widowers, the ones who are with their significant others have happier hearts.
And here’s one of the secrets to a happy marriage:
Marry the right person!
That’s because the right person is willing to go out of their way to put their spouse’s interests above her their own.
So if you believe you’re the right person for your husband, remember not to take your role as a wife lightly because you are integral to his well-being. Just think of yourself as the glue that keeps your marriage together.
And without you, your husband is doomed. If you’re not around, he can easily fall apart.
Here are things you can do to be a good wife:
Organize your husband’s needs
It’s on you to take care of your husband and whatever he needs. And a good wife doesn’t wait for him to ask you to do some things on his behalf.
Some things are just supposed to be handled. So you should just go ahead and do them.
1. Learn his schedule
Do you see your husband go all over the place? If so, it looks like you need to intervene.
Although, don’t take this as a means to keep tabs on him 24/7. Rather, look at it as an opportunity to help him manage his time better.
Tell him that the ability to manage his time like a pro is golden. It discourages him from procrastinating and opens the door to better opportunities. Plus, if he learns to do it well, he gets a very promising reward:
More time with you!
To get things going, analyze his schedule and rearrange the items on his to-do list as you see fit.
But before you swoop in, you need to ask for his permission first. And if you have the green light, here are simple tricks you can do to help him:
- Create a plan – Stay ahead of the game by planning what he should be doing for a set period. For example, at 10:00 to 11:00 in the morning, he should be printing the charts for an afternoon meeting with a client
- Decide if multitasking is the right play – Multitasking can help him get more work done with less time. But it’s not for everyone. So if he should or shouldn’t multitask, you decide
- Get rid of unnecessary activities – Does he engage in activities meant to kill time? Playing Clash of Clans and other mobile games is an example. If so, ask him to consider putting an end to them
2. Encourage him to exercise
It can be effortless for your husband to begin ignoring the need to exercise. Especially if he’s always caught up at work, he might not want to invest time in working out.
So this is where you should chime in. As his wife, it’s on you to watch out for him. Remind him that exercising is important. And that sooner or later, he’ll thank you for it.
He can go to the gym to exercise. If not, he can simply do it in his workplace.
Be stubborn about it if you have to be. For starters, why not suggest simple exercises that he can do practically anywhere? Here’s a list:
1. Push-ups – All he needs to do is get down on all fours. Then lift himself up and down as he flexes his chest and arm muscles
2. Sit-ups – He can just sit with his knees down and feet planted on the ground as he flexes his abdominal muscles
3. Squats – He can just stand and lower himself as if he plans to sit down on a chair. It strengthens his core and tightens the muscles on his lower body
3. Encourage him to eat well
In addition, get your husband to eat well, too. If you don’t keep an eye on his eating habits, he’s more likely to stuff himself with junk.
This means, no trips to fast food joints or serving him bacon every day for breakfast.
And here’s what else you can do:
- Include fruits and veggies in his meals – Be the one to whip up his meals. And sprinkle some fruits and vegetables
- Make smoothies – Rather than enjoy soda, let him refresh himself with a juicy and nutritious beverage
- Avoid buying potato chips and other toxic snacks – If he sees them there, he’ll have them
4. Encourage him to get rid of vices
Drinking, smoking, and watching movies all day are the things a person can do to trigger cardiovascular disease. And according to health experts, if he keeps engaging in these habits, it’s as if he’s waiting for a life-threatening condition to come and get him.
Don’t want your husband to be among the 17.9 million people who die of cardiovascular disease every year? Then swoop in to help him cut these ill habits.
Instead of just watching him and his sedentary lifestyle, recommend these heart-healthy activities:
- Hiking – Fresh air and pleasant views of nature? He can have them when he goes hiking
- Fishing – Benefits include improving his focus and granting him peace and quiet
- Camping – You can even do it together and watch the stars
5. Be stress-free with him
Did you know that 94% of people who went on vacation returned to their normal day-to-day life with raised levels of energy? This means, the majority benefits well from a break.
That said, tell your husband to take a break off work. Especially if you believe he works more often than he should, he could use a vacation.
Here’s how you can plan a great trip:
- Take care of obligations – Have people and things to leave behind soon? Then make ends meet for them. So you won’t have to worry about them during your trip
- Choose an available time – The idea is to be worry-free when you and your husband are someplace else. So make sure he’s 100% in and that no urgent matter needs his attention
- Choose a specific destination – Name the place where you want to go. Then narrow it down to the specific destination you want to visit
6. Make decisions that he’s not fit to make
Is your husband always the one weighing the pros and cons of the best place to live, whether you guys should buy or just rent a car, and other major decisions?
It’s good if you’re fine with all of his decisions. But at some point, you need to come forward, too. That is if his decision-making skills start becoming questionable. So to gear up for decision-making, here are reminders to help you:
- Be dauntless about the consequences – Acknowledge what can happen if you pursue a path. But don’t fear the possibility
- Play for the long haul – Make long-term choices because they’re usually more rewarding
- See matters from different angles – Importantly, see them from your husband’s angle. This way, you can avoid giving in to personal biases
7. Clean his closet
Claudio Del Vecchio’s Brooks Brothers is the company that carved a name for itself as the first one (credited) to dress men well. They introduced suits and drummed up men’s clothing while at it.
Then again, telling your husband to “suit up” doesn’t have to be the remedy here. If he’s not a suit kind of guy, don’t let that be an issue.
But he has to wear decent clothes. Not letting your husband look like a hobo is a sign you’re a good wife. It means you want him to look his best — if not, decent — in front of others. Doing so makes him more pleasing, respectable, and professional!
Here are some things you could do for him:
- Get rid of old clothes – Gather the clothes he doesn’t wear anymore. Then give them away or sell them because they’re only clogging up space in his closet
- Take care of the mess – Many men don’t like to clean. So do it for him
- Buy new clothing – Especially if you get rid of his old clothes, you should go shopping for new ones
8. Be great in bed
Your husband could use some playtime, too. So another way to be a better wife is this:
Be great in bed!
Besides, sex is good for him. It decreases his risk of developing prostate cancer, lowers his chances of getting a heart attack, and more.
And it’s not a one-sided game because it comes with benefits for you, too. On top of boosting your immune system, it improves your bladder control.
To be great in bed, here are some tips:
- Don’t rush – Don’t just “get it over with”. Remember, having a fun time under the sheets can take time
- Don’t be judgmental – If your other half shares some out-of-this-world fantasy with you, don’t laugh at him. If you 100% feel uncomfortable in helping him make it a reality, break it to him gently. Otherwise, go for it
- Add variety – Your husband can quickly get bored if you continue to pull off the same moves every time. So surprise him with something new
Manage the household
On top of organizing your husband’s needs for himself, don’t forget to take care of the things at home, too. Your role is to keep things orderly so whenever he’s at home, he has some peace of mind.
9. Be a good housewife
Do you let your husband come up with the household income for everyday expenses? If so, these are some of the things you can do to help out:
- Prepare meals – Make sure that your husband eats enough meals
- Take care of chores – These include washing dirty clothes and dishes and housekeeping. You may also pass this job onto professional housekeepers
- Settle the utilities – Always be ready with the intended amount for utilities like electricity and water. This way, you can enjoy uninterrupted services at home
10. Resolve conflict
You may not always see eye to eye with your husband. But remind yourself that this shouldn’t be a big problem. That is, of course, if you’re willing to handle it correctly.
To begin handling it correctly, make sure to keep the lines of communication open. You guys should always discuss the conflict’s nature even if it can be uncomfortable to talk about.
Other than that, here are things you can do:
- Don’t point fingers – Maybe your husband is the only at fault. But don’t rub it in his face. And instead, assure him that whatever the problem, it’s both of you who has that problem
- Don’t call him names – If you’re frustrated, it’s tempting to call your husband something demeaning. But fight off this urge because the demeaning nickname can fire up another argument between the two of you
- Compromise – Understand that you always need to meet your husband halfway
Provide moral support
Providing moral support will help improve your husband’s self-confidence. If he’s 100% certain that you believe in him, he can be at his best.
So do just that and be his very own cheerleader.
11. Be nicer to your husband
Doing a random act of kindness every day for your husband is a way to be nicer to him. So to own up to the role of a good wife, why not get some cheer headed in his direction?
It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. You can add marshmallows to his cup of hot chocolate. Or you can clean up his desk.
Besides that, here are some other things you can get around to:
- Compliment him – If he’s awesome at kickboxing, don’t hesitate to fill him in. Your compliment will brighten up his mood
- Embrace his friends – If he’s friends with someone you can’t stand, inform him. Then figure out a way to shake hands with this person
- Overlook his annoying habits – Set aside the little things about him that can get on your nerves. And instead, remind yourself of the good in him and that you’re married to a great man
12. Be a best friend
If your husband feels comfortable enough to keep secrets from you, it’s a clear-cut sign that you’re not his best friend. It can mean he still trusts you. But make no mistake:
He doesn’t want to share every detail in his life with you.
And if you want to be a good wife, this is not the way to go. So be your husband’s best friend.
The advantages of being so are as follows:
- No stranger to his bad side – You know what makes him tick. And because of this knowledge, you also know what and what not to do to make him feel at ease
- Fights are less hurtful – Couples disagree at some point. But if you guys are best friends, you are willing to stop before your fight could snowball into an uncontrollable war
- Adapting to preferences is easier – You’re already familiar with what your husband likes and dislikes. And it just means you have a handle on their tastes in music, hobbies, and more
13. Respect your husband
Your husband wants to earn the respect of everyone around him — including you. And usually, he’ll appreciate it the most if he knows he’s worthy of his wife’s respect.
He might not make it explicit. But being the receiving end of disrespect can be damaging. It makes him feel small and pulls his confidence down.
Besides, it’s a give-and-take situation. If you treat him with respect, he’ll gladly return the favor.
These are some ways you could respect your husband:
- Be all in when talking to him – 100% of your attention should go to him. No phones or other distractions
- Don’t interrupt him – Listen to every word he wants to tell you
- Speak positively about him – You can influence how other people see your husband. If you tell them good things about him, that’s what they’ll associate to him
14. Let go of his mistakes
In a trader’s world, there’s this thing called The Sunk-Cost Fallacy. It’s about a person using history as the main basis of how he creates what’s about to happen. And while it has proven helpful, The Sunk-Cost Fallacy can be disastrous to your marriage.
You see, if your husband made a bad decision in the past, a way to live peacefully from then on is to let it go. Understand that he’s a person and a person can make mistakes.
Think of it as crying over spilled milk. It’s obviously a waste of time, right? It’s only going to wear you out emotionally. And it won’t un-spill your milk for you.
15. Be interested
Paying attention to your husband is how you can let him know you’re interested in him. And if he knows he has your attention, he’s willing to behave in a way that makes you happy.
Besides, doing so gives you an opportunity to respond well to whatever he’s trying to tell you. It can be a chance for you to make him smile.
For example, if he compliments you for wearing a red dress and tells you that he likes you in red, take it as an opportunity. Because he says he likes it, you can start wearing red dresses more often.
Here’s a look at the other ways you can show your interest:
- Be present – Physical presence matters and it assures him that you’re interested in everything that happens to him. For example, show up to special events in his life like his friend’s birthday party
- Schedule a date – Watch a movie on Saturdays or eat donuts at your favorite place. It’s important to keep things exciting just like when you guys first went out
- Discuss life goals – This means yours and his. Discussing your life goals together lets him know that you’re interested and excited about your future together
16. Worry about him
Is your husband talking about his day? Is he telling you about his friends?
Don’t be blind to what’s right there. Your husband is pretty much telling you that he wants you in. That, and he would like it if you worry about him.
So make it happen. It just shows you care for him. And that you don’t want to entertain the possibility of something awful happening to him.
If you put yourself in his shoes, wouldn’t you want your spouse to worry about you?
Friendly tip: Don’t go overboard with the worrying. Too much of it can backfire.
So what can you do to show him you worry about him?
- Find out about his day – Let him tell you about daily events — personal or otherwise
- Always ask him what he’ll be up to – Let him tell you where he’s headed, who’s keeping him company, and all that shebang
- Always ask him if you can help – Doing so lets him know that you’re willing to go out of your way
17. Don’t stonewall him
As the old saying goes, “You should keep quiet if you have nothing nice to say.”
That said, an obvious reason to stonewall your husband is if he says something utterly pointless. As if you have nothing to do, it’s like he’s expecting you to react positively to what’s coming out of his mouth.
But avoid giving in to the urge of stonewalling him. Just because you can doesn’t mean you have to, right? It can be very damaging to your husband’s ego, after all.
And the relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman won’t sugarcoat it for you: “Stonewalling is the fourth horseman of the apocalypse.” So if you don’t want your marriage to start digging its own grave, don’t stonewall your husband. Don’t do it even in indirect ways such as:
- Simply pretending to care – If you’re not the least bit interested in what he has to say, let him know
- Keep on talking – Conversely, if he’s the one who doesn’t seem interested in what you have to say, drop the mic. Signs such as slumping in his chair and yawning are a giveaway
- Mock his thoughts – It belittles him and prevents him from sharing other thoughts with you
18. Give your husband space
If your husband asks for space, it doesn’t mean he wants to break things off with you. It also doesn’t mean he loves you less. Or that he finds you annoying.
So before you pack your bags and start seeing made-up problems, loosen up. And rest assured that when your husband is asking for some space, that’s all he wants.
Space = Room to breathe
Usually, if he says he could use some space, he has more responsibilities than before. And it stresses him out.
Taking it out on yourself is a bad move. Remember, the problem is not you. It’s stress. And he needs a moment to pick himself up and get going again.
So how do you give your husband space?
- Offer to listen – Assure him that if he wants to talk, you’re all ears
- Lessen his workload – Better yet, allow him to have time to do everything in his to-do list without an urgent deadline
- Don’t smother him – Or act like his mother. Otherwise, he’ll start to feel suffocated
Do You Now Know How to Be a Better Wife?
Remember, marriage is a two-way street. If you want to have a worthwhile time going through it, you should give it a meaningful investment, too. And that’s by investing commitment, time, and patience.
The challenging part is, you’re not the only one involved. Your husband will walk with you, too. And he should put in as much effort.
Now, if you want your bond to be better than ever, it’s time to step up your game as his wife. Be willing to do more and soon enough, you’ll be caught off guard by how much he is willing to give you.
So even when children are part of the deal, don’t push him aside. Sure, you have more on your plate than when it was just the two of you. But that doesn’t mean your husband needs you less.